I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
