but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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