Im at strip club and am horny
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
