Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
as a side note pls kill me
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
