When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
