i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
