i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
