I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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