I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
