What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
