oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
