Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
