I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
