ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
