Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
