i wish peter jackson would direct porn
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
