I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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