I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
