I'm gonna have a badass scar
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
tell your sister to shave her snatch
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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