dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
