goodnight i made you a song goodbye
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
