If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
