Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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