so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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