she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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