she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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