Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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