I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
