So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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