Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
