i wish starbucks made bloody marys
ugly people sure do ruin things
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
