A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
