If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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