the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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