I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
