I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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