My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
