That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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