What did we do last night that was yellow?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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