Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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