well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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