my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Well I just put wine in my tea
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
