we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
