JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Randomize
