I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
