he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
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