Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
