Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
