Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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