i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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