What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
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