make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
