I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
