"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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