Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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