and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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