Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
