Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
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