apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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