he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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