I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
