she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
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I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
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So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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