I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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