SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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