can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
