Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
