If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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