Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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