Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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