god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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