i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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