Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
