My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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