Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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