my phone needs a breathalizer
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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