i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
