the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
