Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
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I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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